When 'Good Job' Stops Working
The Moment
You watch your child finish a puzzle. 'Good job!' you say, the words already out of your mouth before you think. They shrug and walk away. No pride, no smile—just done. You meant to encourage them. But somewhere along the way, the praise stopped landing.
Research Says
What Actually Builds Confidence
Researchers at the University of Chicago found that when parents praised toddlers' effort rather than results, those children showed stronger problem-solving skills five years later. The difference isn't about saying more—it's about noticing what matters. When you name the trying, not just the outcome, you're teaching them that effort is what counts.
Try This
Name What You See
Instead of 'good job,' try describing what they actually did. 'You kept trying different pieces until one fit.' You're not evaluating—you're witnessing. That's what lets them own the moment.
Notice the Middle, Not the End
Catch them in the process. 'I saw you go back and try again when that didn't work.' The learning happens in the middle—before they succeed or give up. That's where your noticing matters most.
Here's What Matters
Here's the thing: you're already watching closely enough to see what they're doing. That's the whole game. The fact that you're questioning your praise means you're tuning in to what actually helps them grow. Right there with you.